


Royalty on Ice

by tealmagenta



Category: EXO (Band), ExoVelvet - Fandom, K-pop, Red Velvet (K-pop Band), SHINee, f(SHINee), f(x)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Skating, Competition, F/M, Friendship, Kai - Freeform, Romance, World Figure Skating Championships, athetes, figure skating, kaistal - Freeform, krystal - Freeform, seulgi - Freeform, seulkai - Freeform, taemin - Freeform, taemseul, taestal, teammates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:46:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24017707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tealmagenta/pseuds/tealmagenta
Summary: rejection, acceptance, ice, sweat, tears.a story of four teammates rising to the challenge of the Figure Skating World Championships and the romance they are caught in.inspired by sbs' 2011 kiss and cry and netflix's spinning out
Relationships: Jung Soojung | Krystal/Lee Taemin, Kang Seulgi & Kim Jongin | Kai, Kang Seulgi/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	1. end of a decade, start of an age

_Water bottle. Check._

_Towels. Check._

_Extra clothes. Check._

_Gloves. Check._

_Skates, blade guards and all that jazz. Check._

_Laptop, notebook, pencil. Check._

Just like any other weekday, Seulgi dragged her bag along with her to the place she’d call a second home, Mokdong rink. Seulgi had been training at this rink since she was five. Eleven years later, on this warm spring morning, she was still training there. Nothing much about the place had changed, it was well maintained and the ice was surfaced regularly. However, over these eleven years, it would be an understatement to say that Seulgi’s skating had been improving. She was flourishing and you could say that she was also at the peak of her career. 

“Morning, Taem,” Seulgi greeted her friend who was rolling out his muscles in the locker room. 

“Hey Seul, how’s the triple-triple coming along?” 

“Ugh, I’m still underotating my triple toe by a little. Gonna work on it first thing this morning.”

Taemin smiled at her determination. Since Seulgi switched to singles, she became a girl of fire on the ice. You could see the passion burning so strongly in her eyes, she could melt the ice with a gaze. 

“How’s skating alone going?” Seulgi didn’t miss her chance to tease him, with a small smirk on her face. 

“Shut up, it’s not going.” His partner had left him a few months ago, and he wasn’t actively searching for a new one. 

Both of their lives had changed so much over the latter half of these eleven years. Two years ago, they passed their senior test and first joined the competition scene as juniors and their skating friends circle was much larger. Both of them were skating pairs, with Jongin and Soojung. Jongin and Seulgi were always gold medalists, their skills were unrivalled. Taemin and Soojung came after, their technique might not have matched up to the other pair but their chemistry and performance on the ice was what garnered the support of many sponsors. They were the most promising pairs in South Korea — not that there were many pairs to begin with. 

All that was history when Jongin got scouted by an American coach, Caroline, a year ago. The tables started to turn. Being in a family of businessmen, the Kim name was a name to uphold. And, Jongin had no reason to say no: his family was more than eager to pay for all of his training overseas, the facilities and coaches in America were undeniably better. He was also conscious of the fact that Kim Yuna, everyone’s role model, had trained overseas before she became outstanding and unbeatable. With that, his aunt took him and left his life in South Korea behind, in the hopes of growing as a skater in the States. 

_“Sorry Seul but I keep thinking of all the possible opportunities that might come with training overseas. There are so many other skaters to meet and compete against, we can’t stay in Korea forever...”_

With Jongin’s goodbye last spring, Seulgi was left in the dust to fend for herself. Unfortunately, that Caroline coach didn’t want Seulgi to come along - but that didn’t stop Jongin from leaving. Wanting to avoid any disappointment, from then on, she took on singles and skated individually. She took that disappointment, poured it into her skating, and quickly rose to the challenge. Seulgi was the best sixteen year old skater in South Korea. 

A year after Jongin left, right after Taemin and Soojung clinched bronze at their first Nationals as seniors, that same American coach came back for Soojung. Unlike Jongin, she actually wanted to stay in South Korea to continue skating with Taemin — singles had never crossed her mind, ever. However, her parents had plans to move to the States and saw this as an opportunity for Soojung to come along with them, while continuing to train under a better coach. They signed the contract and didn’t tell her, despite her siblings’ protests to let her continue skating with Taemin. The day she flew off was the day the news was broken to her, she didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye to her friends at the rink and at school. Taemin’s mother let him in on the fact that Soojung had gone to America and his coach managed to find a new partner for him. Dang, he didn’t even have time to mourn his loss. 

“I miss skating with someone, Seul…” _Hey, now did he really say that out loud?_ Taemin continued to stare at the floor blankly as he voiced his thoughts.

“Taem, you mean you miss skating with _her_?” Seulgi teased but raised an eyebrow at him. “Dude, it’s barely been half a year since she left.” Granted, she knew the emptiness of not being able to see their best friends everyday, not skating with them, and the pain of having to move on quickly in order to stand a chance at the next competition. 

He smiled weakly, unable to give a witty reply. Soojung had moved on from him. Seul had moved on from Jongin too. He had to move on. 

“Stop moping and let’s get on the ice, I’ll skate with you.” 

His head whipped up to look at her in disbelief, and started laughing. They grabbed their skates and headed to the rink, laced up and hopped on to the ice. They did a bunch of pair twizzles, spirals, spins for fun and started skating in rounds. Taemin unloaded all that was weighing on his heart to Seulgi and she listened in silence. He knew she secretly missed skating with someone too, but her pride would not allow her to admit that, never in a thousand years. 

“Race you one round and see who slides the furthest!” Seulgi was caught off-guard by Taemin’s challenge and ran after him, in an attempt to catch up. The two friends slid across the ice on their bums and collapsed upon their halt to catch their breaths. 

“Let’s see who can do the longest sit spin,” Seulgi challenged Taemin this time. But, only god knows how long it had been since Taemin last did a legit sit spin on his own. Challenge accepted, except not to anyone’s surprise that Seulgi won. As they were recovering from their little stunt on the ice, a woman figure approached them from the back. 

“Lee Taemin, Kang Seulgi.” 

They turned around and made eye contact with the most majestic singles skater the world had ever seen — Yuna Kim. 

“An-n-nyeonghaseyo, Yuna-ssi… Yuna-nim..” Seulgi fumbled. She glanced at Taemin, whose mouth was ajar from shock, and elbowed him in the rib as if pressing a button that activated a bow. Yuna smiled at their clumsiness from outside the rink. “Come on out, I have some news for you.” They had never jumped off the ice quicker. 

Yuna has retired from competitive skating after her Sochi silver (a/n: SHE WAS FREAKIN ROBBED OF GOLD) and had been doing various other things: she was the Pyeongchang Olympics ambassador, she continued with her ice show ‘All that Skate’ and even participated in other skaters’ shows. She thought it was time to give back in a different way, she wanted to start coaching up and rising figure skaters in South Korea. She had been observing the National championships over the past few years and recognised Seulgi and Taemin’s potential for world-class excellence. She was especially drawn to Seulgi, since she successfully converted from pairs to singles and placed the podium in her first competition in a new category. She actually wanted to rope in both Taemin and Soojung as a pair but Caroline beat her to Soojung. Nonetheless, she still saw potential in Taemin as he was strong, yet quick on his feet. With Yuna’s experience of training both in South Korea and in Canada, and her connections with other retired skaters looking into coaching, she was confident that she would be able to form a team that would excel at Worlds, and hopefully the Olympics. 

_A team._ That was something Yuna didn’t have in her time as an athlete, no other Koreans were skating at her level. She wanted to do all she could for the younger skaters to ensure they could go compete as a team, and enjoy the company of each other while competing at their best in a foreign country. 

Yuna explained everything to Taemin and Seulgi, including sorting out everything with their original coaches and the training programme that she put together, and both skaters hung onto every word she had to say. When she finished explaining, and asked them if they wanted in, there was no hesitation to give a resounding ‘yes’. The rest of the morning was spent on discussing their personal goals for the next season and the expectations each of them had for this training programme. Oh and not forgetting Taemin’s appeal to get a new partner as soon as possible. 

That day, Taemin smiled the most genuine smile he had since Soojung left.

  
  
  
  


That same day, on the other side of the world, was the day that marked 4 months since Soojung had left South Korea. Not a day went by where she didn’t think of skating with Taemin and how his hands felt against her body and how his hold made her feel safe, She didn’t feel safe here, how her new partner lifted her made her feel like she would land head first on the ice. He was much taller than Taemin was and the height she was lifted off above the ground simply sacred her to bits. Even in death spirals and throw jumps or simple footwork, she simply couldn’t relax into the skate. Being on edge all the time made her muscles stiff and hurt all the time. 

She couldn’t not think about Seulgi and her relentless anger turned passion and how she had to be doing really well now, considering she won a medal at Nationals. Her mind sometimes drifted to Jongin, who now went by _Kai_. He always looked somewhat uncomfortable and dissatisfied, even though he seemed to be putting in more hours than he did when he trained with Seulgi. His efforts just didn’t reap the same fruits. They were also as good as strangers now, seeing how he refused to acknowledge her since she first arrived. 

The training here was worlds apart from what they did back at home, It was a more intense and regimental training programme in the States and Caroline gave them no days off. She claimed that since they came from another country they had ‘nothing to do’ and no family to visit. It was only 4 months but Soojung secretly wanted it all to stop, she wanted to go home. She wanted to skate at home. She wanted to joke with Seulgi in the locker room and share their inside jokes on the rink. She wanted to skate with Taemin and hold his hands as they entered the rink for their competition programmes. She wanted this to be over. 

The next day, she arrived at the rink late after her gym session and walked into a bloody rink. There was a huge commotion and everyone was off the ice, Paramedics were lifting a body off the ice and onto the stretcher. _Shit, who got injured?_ She couldn’t see the face of the guy, and the girl was crying her eyes out with her hands covering her face. A pair of skates lay in the corner of the rink and one of the blades was covered in blood. _SHIT._ The paramedics now held up the stretcher and were walking in Soojung’s direction and as they drew closer, she finally caught a glimpse of the guy. His shin was bandaged tightly, but blood was still sleeping through the gauze. His arm was draped over his face, his fist clenched tight - he definitely was in a lot of pain. Just as they passed her, she saw in his other hand, he was stroking the ring on his index finger with his thumb anxiously. _Shit, it was Jongin._

Later that day, Caroline gathered all her trainees and told them that Taylor, Jongin’s partner, didn’t track her partner well and ended up slicing his leg. Of course, she immediately was kicked from the team. However, Soojung was more appalled by Caroline’s lack of concern for Jongin’s welfare and her over-emphasis on getting their shit together so that they would win and stop injuring each other. She even said that it was partially Jongin’s fault for not avoiding her, he should have been tracking her as well. The dude’s leg got slashed and she didn’t even bother to talk about the rehab plan they had for him; he was cut off from the team as well. Soojung knew she hadn’t talked with Jongin for more than a year now, but she had to go visit him. She found out about his U.S number and hospital details from his only friend at Caroline’s training programme, one of the guys doing singles. That night, she decided to go to the hospital to see him.

His room was huge. _All this space is just space wasted, space that could be to house other patients._ Soojung disapproved, though she remembered that his family was really rich and the cost of this was nothing much. He scoffed, when he saw her come into the room after knocking lightly on the door. Of all the people from Caroline’s trainees, she was the one to come visit him even though they hadn’t said more than 5 sentences to each other over the past few months. Suddenly, an image popped up in his head: _Seulgi and Jongin were on the highest step of the podium, they had won yet another gold. Soojung and Taemin were on the lower step, they’d won silver. Jongin had spent so much of his career looking into the crowds, in search of his family._ For the most part of his career, he should have learnt that he was searching in vain, he ought to give up - his parents valued their business much more than his skating career, he knew that. A boy could hope, couldn’t he. However, without fail, both Soojung’s and Taemin’s families would surround them and congratulate them, regardless of if they won a medal or not. Jongin was always envious of them because of this. But, Taemin and Soojung would always share their flowers and gifts with him and Seulgi, comforting them in some sense. Here he was, in the exact same situation: his parents weren’t here, the vast space in his hospital room echoed this fact loud and clear. And here was Soojung, here to comfort him with her presence, once again. 

As Jongin came to this realisation, his walls broke down and he began to let himself be vulnerable with her. “Soojung, I’m never skating pairs again.” A tear escaped the corner of his eye, he swiped it away quickly but Jongin knew that it couldn’t have escaped Soojung’s attention. 

“What did the doctor say about your leg?” She cautiously dropped the question, eyes on Jongin, assessing the situation. 

“It was a pretty huge laceration... Had to get a ton of stitches and I'm on painkillers right now.” 

She nodded and her eyes flitted between his bandaged shin, the IV inserted into his hand and the IV bag hanging on the bedside. As Soojung watched Jongin stare at his injury, she had this inkling that avoiding pairs went beyond a sucky partner who couldn’t track. Jongin could feel her question and spoke first, “I got to recover too, I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, or risk another injury skating with someone less competent than Seul.” Jongin shrugged, he was trying to be indifferent, but he knew he was failing so badly. “Seul’s not gonna take me back, have you seen how successful she is right now?” Soojung smiled at the mention of Seulgi, and how he had been keeping track of her progress in singles too. “She inspires me, you know, to try it too. To go for singles. So, I’m thinking of going back to Korea to try it.” Silence falls upon the hospital room as Soojung dwells on what Jongin has said, and Jongin awaits her reply. 

“Soojung-ah, how have you been?” Jongin’s question snaps her out of her thoughts and she sighs. She tells him about working with this guy who’s new to pairs skating and how he’s so much taller and weaker than Taemin, she talks about how unsafe she feels in lifts on or off the ice and how his hands will never feel like Taemin’s. She tells Jongin about how lonely she’s been feeling in the States, her parents hardly have time for her now and she thinks she doesn’t fit in with the other trainees. 

“How about both of us try singles? Pairs was doomed since we left Korea, let’s face it.” To be fair, Soojung had considered this option barely a month after she moved to America. However, she lacked the confidence to skate alone, she had spent her whole career as a pairs skater. She knew she had to move on, she came to America for “greater things” and she wasn’t getting that with her current partner. 

Within those two days, four of their lives changed once again, even though they were halfway across the globe, and they hoped this time, change was for the better. 


	2. returning home

_Five months later_

Seulgi and Taemin had moved from training at Mokdong rink to Taereung rink at the National Training Centre, upon joining Yuna’s training programme. The training centre had all the facilities they needed to grow as skaters, the best rink and the best gym and studios for off-ice training. However, Mokdong rink always had a special place in their heart. Seulgi worked at a cafe in Mokdong on the weekends, to earn some cash to off-set her training fees. Ice skating is expensive, period. Training, skates maintenance and venue admission added up; not to mention, competition registration fees, costumes, makeup. Seulgi and Taemin weren’t competing at an international level yet so they weren’t sponsored by all the Team Korea sponsors. After her shift at the cafe, she would go back to Mokdong rink to train or let off some steam from the stress her part-time job brought her. Every Saturday night, without fail, Seulgi would be there. And, sometimes Taemin would join her, depending on whether he felt like it or not. 

One fine Saturday, Seulgi was manning the cash register at the cafe she worked at. She fiddled with her apron that served as a uniform than its original purpose, considering she never touched the coffee machine or entered the kitchen, and left out a sigh. Upon hearing the bell on the entrance ring, she looked up at the customer who just entered. And, boy she was not expecting to see this person at all. 

“Hi, can we order one caramel macchiato, one ice americano and one french toast, please?” 

Seulgi punched the order into the cash register and repeated their order. “That will be sixteen dollars, please. Could I get a name for the order?” 

“Oh, Seulgi, you know me, don’t you? I’m Jongin’s sister, Jungah.” _Well, I don’t know why I expected that she wouldn’t remember me._ “Yea, I recognised you, I just wanted to make sure.” She gave the lady a tight-lipped smile and returned the change. Jungah, or Jungah unnie as Seulgi used to call her, took a seat with the guy she was with. As she waited for the barista to whip up some magic, Seulgi’s gaze floated over to Jungah, and they were caught in some eye contact. _Shit, she’s definitely telling her boyfriend about me…_ The guy collected their orders, and they ate peacefully, as Seulgi was dead set on not looking at their table. They finished their food and drink, hung around and eventually left, not without Jungah’s last glance at the cashier girl who pretended not to see her leave. 

  
  


“KIM JONGIN. I saw Kang Seulgi this afternoon. She’s working at the cafe at Mokdong, near the rink you guys used to train at. I wonder if she still goes there to train...” Jongin raised an eyebrow at the information his sister just dished out at him. “And, what am I supposed to do with this information, _Nuna_ ?” His sister rolled her eyes at his _fake_ -ignorance act and told him off, “Oh please, don’t you want to skate with her again? Or at least meet her and talk to her? It’s been almost two years since you’ve seen each other!” Jongin groaned. Sure, he’d love to see her and talk with her. They used to talk everyday. Well, they trained together everyday so of course, they’d talk everyday. He wanted to see her in action on the ice again, how she’d own the space in the rink on her own. It’d been six months since his injury, six months since he left America and returned to Korea. His laceration had healed and the stitches were taken off, he had been attending physiology sessions to build back his strength. He was ready to return to the ice and he wanted what Seulgi had, he wanted success. That night, he pondered on what his sister had told him, more than he’d like to admit that he had. Figure skating, now, was something so familiar to him — it’d been at least 10 years since he started skating. But, at the same time, it became foreign to him — this six month break was the longest break that he ever took off skating and suddenly, skating didn’t feel like a second nature anymore. He pondered hard about his pact with Soojung as well, they promised each other that they’d try out singles on their own. The last he texted her, it seemed to be going well for her, she’d been learning new jump combinations. She said she was struggling but being about to smile through it was a good sign. It was time to return, his parents were pressuring him since his stitches came off and now, even his sister seemed to be nudging him. If everyone else was moving on, he needed to move on too. 

It took Jongin one entire month to get the courage to go back to Mokdong rink. He had been going to the rink at Korea University, but it didn’t feel the same. He was trying to avoid meeting Seulgi at Mokdong, he didn’t know if she was still training there and it would be hella awkward to run into her at the rink where they used to train together, the same rink he said goodbye to her at. After Soojung sent him a picture someone shared on the Internet of Seulgi, he immediately knew she wasn’t training there anymore. The background was different, maybe it was the colour of the seats or something about the ceiling. He was confident that it wasn’t Mokdong. Finally, Monday night, he took his skater bag and took the subway to Mokdong. The building was exactly the same as 20 months ago, the rink well-maintained and serene, like he remembered it. The most comforting part was Seulgi really wasn’t there. The ice there felt magical, the life in his skating returned and he finally felt happy to be on the ice again. He began going there every night and thankfully, not once did he run into Seulgi. He didn’t even see her at the cafe that his sister claimed to have seen her at. Maybe things were going to work out again after the 20 months of crap he’d been through. 

Just like every other Saturday, after Seulgi finished her shift at 9pm, she headed to the rink to cool off. She tied her coffee-scented hair into a ponytail, laced her skates on and stepped onto the ice. It was quiet at the rink as most junior skaters were done with training and very few competitive skaters spent their saturday nights on the ice. 

_now playing: RUN TO YOU by Lea Michele_

Jongin was completely unsuspecting of what was ahead of him as he walked into the building at about 10pm, like he did everyday for the past five days. The moment he opened the doors to enter the rink, he knew he wasn’t alone that night. A girl on the ice, she was spinning a camel and when she recovered to an upright position, his heart dropped to his stomach. _Kang Seulgi, damn it… What happened to not training her anymore?_ At that moment, she noticed him too and he didn’t miss her eyes widening as they met his. She gave him a weak smile and he sighed, she thought she’d be able to fool him but he knew that smile was fake. On the other hand, there were a million thoughts running through her mind, beginning with the worry that his sister had told him where to find her. She knew there was no running away from this situation, even though she was not ready to confront it yet. _After all these years, you gotta be the bigger person and talk to him first._ She skated to and leaned against the ledge, eyes still on her former partner who was putting down his stuff on the bleachers. 

“Why are you back?”

“Wow, Seul, that was really direct.” Jongin glanced up at her as he took his skates out of the bag. He didn’t even know where to begin: that he didn’t find the success that he thought he would overseas? Or that he had a terrible partner overseas who almost killed him a few times and eventually sliced his leg open? That he felt like a loser in America and even more of a loser in comparison to her success? Jongin hesitated and eventually pulled up his right sweatpant up to his knee, revealing the huge scar from that laceration six months ago. “Oh. My. God. What the heck, Jongin?” Seulgi felt tears forming in her eyes. All her pride and resentment harboured for 20 months was replaced with raw confusion and concern for her former partner. She heard a shaky sigh escape his lips as she slid her purple blade guards on and walked over to where he was sitting. He felt her hand rub his shoulder as he tried to gain composure before speaking. These emotions were foreign to Jongin, he’d never felt this vulnerable and devastated when telling this story. In hindsight, he knew that it was because Seulgi had always been that safe place for him to be vulnerable. He knew she wouldn’t judge him or the choices that he made, and he could tell the whole truth. 

“I… um… had a partner who… um… was new to pairs skating and she wouldn’t track me when we skated together, and my coach… She’s just crazy, she told us to just get on with our lifts on the ice and said that if we tried it, then she wouldn’t be so scared anymore when she realised we could do it. I don’t know why I didn’t protest even though I knew it wasn’t going to work out. Coach Park’s words kept playing in my head, he used to say ‘never do a lift on ice if it wasn’t solid off’ and even that thing you always told me before we tried new lifts, that you trusted that I won’t drop you... I kept telling myself in order for this whole thing to be worth it, I couldn’t drop her. So, it kinda did work? She got down from the lift safely, but we did a pair spiral right after, and... she kicked her leg up too high and her blade… I’d never felt that much pain in my entire life, I don’t think? Either way, my crazy coach cut me off the team because she didn’t want to deal with my rehab so here I am…” Tears were rolling down Seulgi’s eyes, how could she not feel a fraction of the pain and shock he must have felt as she imagined the entire situation in her head. Her tears mirrored his as the disappointment of his venture to the US weighed down on his shoulder. He glanced over at the girl next to him, her gaze was locked straight ahead and her jaw was clenched, he got her full attention. Taking a deep breath, he continued the story for her, “My parents were super disappointed in me, my sisters were more indifferent and they were anywhere in the world but America this whole time. My aunt was with my during the hospital stay, the flight home, but I’ve never been so alone before. Even in recovery, everyone was always asking when I’d be returning to the ice and continuing my career. It feels like no one cares about my wellbeing or mental health, Seul… and I hated even the thought of skating. It was time to come back after six months when my doctor gave me the clear and I wandered back to Mokdong because it was the only place that made me feel a fraction of enjoyment of this sport again.” 

Seulgi remained quiet as she processed everything that Jongin said. Never in her entire life would she have imagined Jongin being ousted by an injury that wasn’t even his fault, without a single person in his family caring about the stuff he went through. “So what are your plans right now?” She tried to deflect the pressure of comforting him with a question. He merely shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe look for a singles coach, get back in the game so that my parents stop nagging me? Sign up for online high school classes so that I get at least a diploma in case my leg fails me and my skating career ends? I don’t know where to begin man…” 

“Train with me.” 

_What? Didn’t think she’d want to skate with me again?_ “Seul, no offence, but I don’t think I’ll ever be up for pairs again. It’s too risky…” 

That brought laughter to Seulgi, he had misunderstood her, “No, silly, I didn’t mean skate with me. I meant to train with me under my coach, she’s the best in the country and I’m sure you’ll learn the best about singles under her. If you’d like to, I could put in a word for you and arrange for you guys to meet.” Jongin’s ears turned red when he realised he had misunderstood her. Was he really ready to train with Seulgi again and see her everyday? After today, he sure was, and actually would rather see her everyday again. It’d be like old times, 

“Sure, I’m in.” 

* * *

  
  


The next monday, Seulgi met Jongin at the Hwarang-ro station in the morning with a coffee in hand. It was the day that she was bringing him to see Yuna. She hadn’t told him that her coach was Yuna, it could be a great or terrible surprise for him to find out on his own. After she left Jongin at the rink two days ago, she immediately called Taemin, asking him if she was being too hasty in forgiving him, she realised she didn’t know if training together was even a good idea. “Dude, I’d give anything to see Soojung succeed with or without me, and I’d give anything to train with her in the same programme. I know it hurt when he left but your ten year friendship is more than that.” She was actually excited to see Jongin today, she was quite confident that Yuna would take him into the training programme. _I think I made the right decision._ “So, what’s your coach like?” Jongin was curious about who the “best” in the country was, he didn’t know much about coaches in Korea, or anywhere for that matter. He only had two coaches over his entire career, after all. “Hmmm, you’ll find out later. But, you’re definitely gonna love her!” Seulgi giggled, she didn’t want to spoil the surprise. Jongin rolled his eyes at the suspense. Somehow, he was strangely calm and slightly excited even though he didn’t know what he was signing up for. That assurance probably came from his inherent trust in Seulgi. 

The National Training Centre was huge, and the rink was quite a walk from the entrance. Seulgi ran into quite a few people as they walked in and she put on a sweet smile, waving to the familiar faces of the athletes around her. Jongin glanced at her more than a few times, in admiration of her grace and friendliness at the training centre. At Caroline’s, it was not like that. For some reason, everyone at Caroline’s was on edge and it never felt like a team, it was outright competition between each other. Maybe, it was because the other athletes here were competing in different sports and they could be supportive of each other, since they weren’t pit right against each other, right? Boy, he couldn’t have been more wrong. The people at the rink were nice too, speed skaters, hockey players and figure skaters alike. The locker rooms were bustling with athletes in conversation, many of them with smiles on their faces. Six months ago, the locker room that Jongin was in… You would hear a pin drop in that room. The hard stares and clenched jaws of the other trainees, except a few who were the kind to goof around, it was not a pretty sight. Seulgi offered her locker space to Jongin, since he hadn’t been assigned to a locker yet. It gave him a warm feeling in his chest as he placed his valuables inside the space she offered. 

“Hey Seul, who’s the boyfriend?” Jongin shut the locker door close, upon hearing some guy ask Seulgi that question. “Ooh, Kim Jongin is back in Korea. Welcome back, buddy.”

Lee Taemin. His friendly competition 20 months ago, when they were skating pairs under Coach Park. 

“Nice to see you again too, Taemin.” Jongin greeted him politely. They were never close, so this situation felt rather awkward. Seulgi pulled Taemin into a hug and flicked his forehead after, “Don’t be stupid, I already told you I was doing this on Saturday.” _Wait, she told him about me? After she met me? She’s close to this guy?_ “Yea, and honestly I can’t wait to see what Coach Kim thinks of him.” Jongin started to get nervous about meeting this _Coach Kim_. This was the next most personal intel he had about Seulgi’s coach. His worry must have been written all over his face because Seulgi patted his shoulder lightly in an attempt to comfort him. “Don’t worry, Jongin! She is going to love you as much as I do!”

Seulgi’s phone _dinged_ as a notification popped up on her screen. Glancing at the message, she stood up and started heading out the door, “I need to find Yuna-unnie and talk to her first. Taem, help me bring Jongin to the rink, I’ll meet you guys there. See y’all later!” 

_Damn it, why did she have to leave. Now, it’s going to be so freakin awkward_. “Hey, you heard her. Grab your phone, I’ll give you a tour around this place.” Taemin stood up and jerked his head towards the door of the locker room. 

“So, Caroline’s, huh?” Taemin began small-talking as they walked to the rink cafeteria, the place bustling with young skater kids and their moms. “Yea, it was rough and I got kicked out so I came back here…” Jongin was apprehensive about telling the guy about what he experienced in the past 20 months. “Hey, did you see Soojung there? She went for the same training programme one year after you did.” Taemin started getting worried when Jongin said that training at Caroline’s was “rough” and the very fact that one of the best skaters he knew got kicked off that programme did sit well with him. “Yea, we didn’t talk until my last moments in the training programme. We still keep in touch though, just that the time difference makes it difficult to keep up.” Taemin remained silent, he was desperate to ask Jongin how Soojung was doing, but he kept questioning if he had the right to find out since he didn’t make the effort to keep in touch with her all this time. “You wanna know how she’s doing, right?” _Shit, was Jongin a mind reader?_ “She did pairs there for about 4 months? It wasn’t really going well for her so she decided to make the switch to singles. And, to be very honest, I’m not sure how she’s coping right now. In the past 2 months, she hasn’t really replied to my messages and when she finally does reply, her messages are short and vague. Guess singles is keeping her really busy or tiring her out, more than usual.” Taemin’s heart clenched, he knew that the shorter the messages and the less frequent she replied meant that she wasn’t doing well emotionally. The first time he found out this _quirk_ of hers was when she hurt her back while playing a dance game on Kinect. She blew him off for 3 days, and didn’t show up to training for a week. He later found out that it was because she was embarrassed about getting an injury due to some stupid game, and it had hit her self-esteem off the shelf. Taemin sighed, and whispered, “Come back, Soojung. I wish you’d come back.” When Jongin deciphered what came out of Taemin’s lips, he silently hoped she’d return to Korea soon too. 

“Oh, here we are at the rink.” The heavy conversation clouded Jongin’s mind so much that he didn’t pay attention to his surroundings until Taemin snapped him out of it. “Come on, we took quite a while to reach here, I bet they’re already here, waiting for us…”

Jongin spotted Seulgi sitting in the first row of the highest section of seats, and she saw him too. The smile she gave him was the sweetest and she waved at him, she looked so cute when she was excited. The lady she was with turned around, and Jongin’s breath hitched in his throat. It was Kim freakin’ Yuna. _Coach Kim was Kim Yuna? No wonder she’s the best in the country but freakin Kim Yuna?_ Taemin smiled at his friend’s shock, and Seulgi was laughing her head off, her surprise definitely worked. 

“Take it all in bud, our new coach is Kim Yuna.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> totally did not expect anyone to search up this on AO3, usually kpop fics are on asianfanfics.com
> 
> but since there are readers, here's a second chapter! i'm also @tealmagenta on asianfanfics.com and wattpad so check out my other stuff there, if you'd be interested 
> 
> leave me comments and kudos too [these really warm my heart] <3


	3. defeat

_ One month later _

“I’m so frustrated right now, I literally could die.” Taemin was ranting to Yuna about his partner. His third partner, in the past 7 months. When he first started training under Yuna in the spring, he decided to give the new girl a chance, he would be nice to them, sort of encouraging and supportive. But, he also knew, secretly, in the back of his mind, he would be comparing them with Soojung. Not just skillswise but their habits, their mannerisms or vibes. Superficial, right? The first girl left because she’d overtrained and basically ruined her career over an overuse injury. She had to go into surgery then rehabilitation and she didn’t want for Taemin to have to wait for her to recover. The second girl was a user of performance-enhancing drugs and got thrown out by Yuna when she found out the truth. The current one was a little broken, she’d injured herself super badly when she was skating singles and had recovered. Yuna liked her performance ability but her skills were undeveloped because of her time off the ice. She also had jump trauma, because that was how she had gotten injured in the first place. On so many occasions, Taemin had to talk her through the jumps and tell her she could do it; so would Yuna. But, their encouragement never amounted to anything. It had been a month since she came on board but they really never made any progress because she didn’t have the confidence to jump. 

“Taemin…” Yuna’s tone was a warning, she disapproved of his attitude towards his partner. His partner could feel his frustration even if he just stared at her because Taemin wasn’t the most subtle or discreet with his emotions.  _ Lame _ . Taemin just sighed, it was already fall, almost winter, and they hadn’t gotten the basics down. They hadn’t started working on their routine or the lifts either. “I’d already be working on my routine with Soojung. Heck, we could already be done with the routine.” Unfortunately for him, Yuna heard this mutter under his breath. “Yes, Taemin, but Soojung is not here. And, I don’t think she would have wanted you to have such little patience toward her.” Taemin shook his head, “But, I wouldn’t need patience with Soojung, she’s amazing, she trusts me AND she doesn’t pop her jumps.” 

Yuna was not having any of his crap so she left for her office and left Taemin there with his own thoughts. His thoughts about Soojung. How she’d tie her hair in a high ponytail even if it’d slap both his and her faces and how he constantly appealed to her to tie her hair in a low braid. He thought about how he’d never tell her to cut it because when she let it loose, she was the most beautiful human that ever existed. He also thought about her whining about her fatigue from training but also how she was always excited to try new things during training. He would never tell her to keep her thoughts to herself, shut up about the whining because he liked that he was her safe space to unload her thoughts. Taemin missed that they would hold hands at any time possible on the rink to encourage each other to push on in training, or calm each other down at competitions. He missed looking into her eyes and trying to read her mind, he really really missed her. 

Later that day, he went to the rink during Seulgi’s ice training, in the hopes of supporting his friend’s attempt to get her triple-double-double combination. He watched her from the waiting area outside the rink, the area next to the cafeteria. That combination was hard enough for Seulgi, she didn’t need more distractions. Unfortunately, Taemin’s plans to let Seulgi get into her zone were foiled by Jongin, who grew a liking to hang around the rink when she had ice time. She was putting on her jumping harness and getting ready to hit the hardest combination she would try yet. Seulgi was improving day by day and her choreographer had taught her most of the choreography, all she had to do was brush up on her technique. And it seemed to be working for a while, until she decided to push herself for a triple-triple-double. A few failed attempts later, she removed the harness and left the rink all together. Taemin observed as she exited the rink, bolting towards the locker room. He was about to see what that was all about, but Jongin beat him to it as he charged out of the rink into the locker room. 

Jongin walked into the sight of Seulgi sitting against her locker, with her knees to her chest and her head buried in her arms. “Seul, what’s going on?” The reply he got was a faint sob and some sniffling. “Hey, what’s going on? You were great out there…” 

“Get out, Jongin. No one wants you here,” Seulgi’s voice came out hoarse from the breathlessness and crying. “Hey Seul, don’t do this, just talk to me,” Jongin took a few steps to get closer to the weak, soft voice. He hadn’t seen her beat herself like this before, rendering a flurry of anxiety and concern on his part. “Go away, Jongin, you don’t have the right to do this now.” Seulgi shoo-ed him away again. His dense brain couldn’t take a hint, “Seul… Sometimes talking will help it get better, like we used to d-” 

“Get. Out. Kim. Jongin.” 

“You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to leave me and then come back and act normal around me. You don’t get to think that everything is fine, just because I let you train under Yuna. You don’t get to comfort me when things are going well because you are the very reason why things aren’t working out. So, go away, Jongin. And, stop hanging around the rink when I have ice time, I don’t wanna see your face.” Seulgi’s face was red with anger, her face stained with tears and her hair in a mess. Jongin was taken aback by her outburst, but he wasted no time in leaving the locker room with heavy steps. 

Upon Jongin’s departure, Taemin poked his head into the locker room, finding Seulgi just as Jongin did. “You didn’t expect him to be this annoying when you suggested he joined the programme right?” He just had to tease her a little to alleviate the lingering tension. Seulgi just groaned in response, she definitely overlooked her capacity to share the rink with her ex-partner who left her for “greater things”. She had let a moment of vulnerability to cloud her judgement and was now stuck with the consequences of her bad decisions. 

At first, the sight of Jongin brought a smile to her face, seeing him everyday felt like things were back to normal, like when they used to skate together. However, as the days passed, his presence bothered her like a parasite. He seemed to look at her and talk to her like she was the same person 21 months ago. He had no idea how much she had changed as a person and how much her likes and dislikes had changed. She was no longer a cute little fourteen year old who liked Jongin to be around her when she skated; she was sixteen, she was working to pay her dues, she was skating singles and wanted to be alone on the ice because it was the only way to succeed — all because of him. She withdrew from her interactions with him quickly and began giving him the cold shoulder, throwing in occasional snide remarks about how he would never be as successful as her in singles. Jongin never gave up on trying to talk to her or hanging around her, sometimes she wondered if he’d been sliced in his brain or his leg. 

At the other end of the world, it seemed like Soojung was having the same frustrations as Taemin and Seulgi. The question she’d asked herself the most in the past half a year was “Why is it that I could turn almost four revolutions when I was doing pairs but I can’t get beyond two on my own?” Everytime she stepped on the ice, it was as if Taemin was whispering in her ear, “We’ve got this, Soojung,” it was as if she could feel his breath tickling her. In her loneliness on the ice, she had become hyper aware of the absence of her partner, particularly that certain partner. His hand was not intertwined with hers, his arms were not wrapped around her waist, his face was not pressed against her cheek. There was not a day she spent alone on the ice wishing that she was back in Korea skating with Taemin. However, there was no way her parents would let her go back. Her siblings and their significant others had tried their very hardest to convince the Jung father to let Soojung return, but he was convinced that America was better for her. Even Jongin had asked her if she was planning to return to Korea in the near future in their recent text exchange. There was not a day she spent alone on the ice wishing that she was back in Korea skating with Taemin. But, there was not a day she spent worrying that he would never take her back as his partner. Soojung was clouded with heavy thoughts day in and day out. On top of all these worries, she was worrying that she wasn’t delivering enough for her coach and that she’d get punished for having her head in the clouds. She had to get her head in the game for competition season, but she feared she wouldn’t be able to do it without Taemin. 

  
  
  
  


The time rolled around for competition season in the new year. Jongin had been training mostly off-ice to build back strength, stamina and technique, so Yuna advised that he gave this season a miss. Seulgi and Taemin (and his horrible partner) were competing for the first time under Yuna’s wings. 

The week before Nationals came along and Seulgi had been stroking the ring on her right index finger a lot more than she usually did. The ring. It was a gift from Jongin’s parents to both of them when they’d won their first year competing as juniors. An appeasement/congratulatory gift, depending on how you’d like to view it, since his parents didn’t physically witness their win. They never did. Seulgi had taken off the ring, for the first time, in spite when Jongin first left her. She didn’t want an emotional crutch or physical reminder of why she had to compete in singles. The first season she competed in singles, it kind of felt like there was nothing to lose. But, that never discounted the anxiety of competing alone for the first time. She slipped on the ring to alleviate that anxiety and remind herself of how Jongin used to kiss the back of her palm before they stepped onto the ice. This year, she was riding on her success last season; she had to prove herself and live up to the expectations of fans and potential sponsors. The difficulty of her programme had increased significantly, as well. So much was riding on just her shoulders and she needed the familiar feel of the ring to calm her pounding heart down. Above all, Seulgi knew the real reason behind her anxiety was that she wanted to prove once again to Jongin that she was successful without him, more successful than he ever would be without her. 

Taemin was sitting in the spectator seats with Jongin as they watched the Women's Singles free skate. Since Seulgi placed third in the short programme, she was third last in the lineup. There were quite a few skaters in the lineup and time seemed to crawl by. “Hey bro, I’m going to get something from the vending machine, need anything?” Jongin offered, but Taemin shook his head. He was feeling anxious for Seulgi, he knew she knew that Jongin was here to watch and her usual calmness at competitions was replaced with heightened anxiety and stress. Jongin headed past the vending machine, if Taemin didn’t follow him, he wouldn’t know that he actually used the vending machine as an excuse to get out of there to Seulgi. It had been their tradition for him to massage her shoulders before they went on the ice. And without fail, at every competition, except last year, he’d do that to remind her he was with her and she could trust him. 

He knew his way through Mokdong rink and managed to find her rehearsing her jump combinations, getting in her zone, letting the music of the other routines playing in the speaker drown out. She was so focused and determined, Jongin loved this look of hers, she was most attractive when she kept her eyes on the goal. Yuna had left her to get her more water, and Jongin took this chance to catch her before Yuna caught him. 

She yelped in surprise as she felt the familiar pair of hands knead into the knots in her shoulders. “What the hell are you doing here, Kim Jongin?” He grinned at her, continuing to massage her shoulders, “I figured you could use your good luck charm.” She quickly slipped the ring off her index finger and clenched her fist, in attempts to hide it before he realised she had worn it. She dismissed him, pulling his hands off her shoulders, “Go away, don’t you dare get into my zone.”

“You should also get out before Coach finds out you’re here.”

“Okay, can you just chill? I’ll go now… Good luck out there!”

“I don’t need your luck.” As soon as he disappeared, she slipped the ring back on and stroked it again, taking deep breaths to slow down her heart rate. 

She must have done some magic out there on the ice because she placed third overall, a few points shy of the silver medal. Taemin and Jongin leaped out of their seats in joy during her prize presentation, clapping and cheering loudly for their teammate. Just as Taemin was about to sit back down, his gaze casually flitted to her left and he could have sworn he saw Soojung somewhere in the crowd, smiling and cheering for Seulgi too.  _ No, there’s no way that she'd be here. _

Back in the locker room, Seulgi ripped the ring she used to wear on her thumb off her index finger and stuffed it in her bag, before heading out to meet her coach and teammates. Jongin didn't need to know she still kept it, he didn’t need to know she still wore it. He shouldn’t have to know that it still meant something to her. 

Meanwhile, things weren’t going well for Taemin at all. This first season without Soojung was a trainwreck; he was a bundle of nerves, when he had never felt this anxious at any competition. He was backstage with his partner, as she rehearsed the routine, while he sat in the corner. “Coach, I’m going to get some air, I’ll be back in five.” Yuna gave him a pointed stare, as if to tell him to sit his ass back down. But he ignored her, sticking his earphones into his ears, leaving to take a stroll around the rink. Soon, it was time for them to step on the ice, they headed to the ice and slid their blade guards off before stepping onto the ice. He scanned the crowd as they took the time to warm up for the short programme, spotting a familiar face in the crowd of supporters. He could have sworn it was Soojung, but it couldn’t be her, she was supposed to be all the way across the world skating with some guy that wasn’t him. Taemin shook the thought from his mind,  _ I need to focus right now, I can’t be thinking about her _ . 

It was a decent skate, not the best for sure but not too shabby. At least, they placed within top ten, scores putting them in seventh place. He’d look at the place that Seulgi and Jongin were seated at when they’d completed the routine, but the girl he thought was Soojung was gone. 

Their free skate was the next day, in the morning session. As he rolled up to Mokdong rink with an ice americano in hand, he could almost hear Soojung scolding him for drinking a cold drink before the competition. He would argue that it was just a competition, but she would insist it was bad for his stomach.  _ Some logic, _ he would dismiss her and she would flick his forehead. Even though he had thought he had seen her twice in the past two days, he was very sure it wasn’t her. The Soojung he knew wouldn’t wear grey, she hated that colour, saying it was  _ ambiguous _ . He used to laugh at her lousy reasoning but it wasn’t funny now. Taemin’s only goal for the day was to get through his routine and get the heck out of Mokdong, to go home and sleep it all off. On his way into the registration table, he chatted with some folks in their old training programme, and smiled weakly at their mention of Soojung. He could have sworn that he saw Soojung, again, walk past them to the spectator seats. He shut his eyes tightly, it wasn’t her.  _ Get a grip, Taemin, she’s really not here.  _

He managed to get through the entire morning with barely any thoughts about Soojung, as he rehearsed vigorously to keep himself occupied, a stark difference from his attitude the previous day. They went out for their free skate and maintained their placing at seventh. A thought crossed his mind, for the first time in a few hours,  _ If only Soojung were really here, skating with me... _

And just like that, the season was over. Neither Seulgi nor Taemin had the chance to go to the World Championships, it would have to wait another year. Taemin was genuinely happy for Seulgi’s achievement but he couldn’t seem to celebrate wholeheartedly with her.  _ I just wished Soojung would come back. _

  
  
  
  
  


_ Flashback  _

Earlier in mid December, Soojung was competing at a small open competition in a small state in America. Her first season skating singles. “Prove to me that you’re worth keeping on this team, else I’ll cut you off,” were the last words Caroline said to her before she stepped onto the ice. A shiver ran up and down her spin and as the blades of her skates carved curves into the ice, she became hyper aware that Taemin wasn’t on the ice with her. Her body trembled slightly as she posed, waiting for the music to start playing. At first, things seemed to be going smoothly, and by things, she really meant the first two eights of counts that led into her first jump sequence. Her mind started spiralling and her hips felt cold, void of the warmth of Taemin’s hands positioned firmly, ready to throw her up into the air.  _ He’s not throwing me up _ translated to  _ how do I even rotate if I’m not high enough _ ? The next moment she knew she had popped out of her jump. The entire routine was a mess, she wasn’t performing, her brows were knitted together in a frown and there were flaws in most of her technical elements. She had screwed up her short program enough to know she wasn’t going to qualify for the free skate. Sliding the blade guards onto her skates, she heard Caroline sneer at her, “You couldn’t even qualify at a small competition, you’re worthless to me.” 

“Not like I wanted to stay here for longer anyway…” She whispered back. 

She took a cab back to their accomodation, threw her skating bag on the floor, flopped onto the bed and started crying. Never in her life did such a thought cross her mind but in that moment, Soojung was so sure only this one thing:  _ I’m never skating again _ . She had tried everything, pairs, singles. Neither worked for her then, and she just felt like it was never going to work. The next thought that came to mind, she was even surer of it.  _ I need to go back to Korea.  _ She couldn’t stay in America any longer than she needed to, the whole country was a reminder of her failure in her skating career. With only two thoughts filling her brain, she fell into a deep sleep, exhausted from the anxiety and disappointment felt at the competition and the tears that rolled down her cheeks onto the white sheets of the hotel bed. 

Her older brother, Jihoon, had bought her a plane ticket back to Korea when she called him that night saying that she wanted to go back home. This might have been against their parents’ wishes but Soojung’s siblings were her greatest advocates — no one supported her heart’s decisions more than them. Two days later, she was on a plane bound for home and the weight on her shoulders felt lighter than two days before. The plane touched down safely and Soojung rolled her luggage out of the arrivals in no time. She was pushing a trolley piled high with luggages and boxes, and she struggled to navigate the arrivals while balancing the luggage so it would not topple. “Soojung, you look tiny under that heap of luggage.” A familiar voice shook her loose, and she broke into a wide smile. “Jihoon oppa! I missed you so much!” Soojung went to hug his broad frame, which seemed broader than she last remembered him to be a year ago. Jihoon squeezed Soojung tightly and ruffled her hair, an evident eye-smile on his face. “How has my little sister been?” He pinched her cheeks, noticing they might have shrunk to a less-than-squishable size. “I'm pretty good! But I'll tell you everything when we get home,” Soojung’s smile weakened at the question, reminding her why she was back there in the first place. Nonetheless, she was plenty relieved to be back in the motherland, and with the people she loved. 

The hour-long car ride back to the Jung family apartment was silent as Soojung stared out of the window, observing the cityscape that had evolved in her time away, secretly avoiding all conversation. She was afraid that if she spoke, she’d have to explain herself, and she wasn’t ready yet. 

One whole week, neither Jihoon nor his wife spoke about her return to Korea nor about how she was home the whole day, nor about the plans she had for the future. The morning that marked day 8 of her return to Korea, Soojung was scrolling through her camera roll, as she lay on her brother’s couch. The house was empty, as it usually was in the day when her brother and sister-in-law went out for work. The days without figure skating seemed to crawl by slowly, it was an aggravating reminder to Soojung that her skating career was a failure. The sport had become a huge part of her, she felt so empty without any training sessions.  _ Great, I’m a failure in figure skating, and a failure without it. _

She found herself taking the train to Mokdong rink, the rink that she trained at with Taemin, Jongin and Seulgi. She might not have wanted to skate anymore, but perhaps the feeling of being at the rink would help time to pass quicker. However, she didn’t manage to get herself out of the house until her brother told her that his friends were coming over that night for a gathering. Not wanting to explain her presence in Korea, she figured it was best if she spent the evening anywhere else but Jihoon’s house. It was about 7.30 in the evening when she arrived at Mokdong station, it was a simultaneously familiar and foreign feeling of opening the doors that led to the rink. She settled in the top row of spectator seats, thinking it would be the most inconspicuous spot to chill there for the whole day. Nothing had changed at all, it was the rink she remembered, except it was not the usual sight that she was used to. The rink was crowded with young girls and boys and their coaches, who could only come to Mokdong to train after their school and academies had ended. Soojung flashed back to when she and Taemin used love to come down to the rink earlier as the kids practiced to boost their ego, under the facade of being an inspiration to budding skaters. They would secretly laugh at the younger children who’d trip over their toe-pick ever so often and at the parents of those young children who’d fawn over them and baby the heck out of their child. It was also just an excuse to spend more time together, because she had a crush on Taemin. 

It was as if she’d been in a bubble; she was spacing out, recollecting her memories. A tear rolled down her eye, but she didn’t notice till she tasted the salty tear; her bubble burst. The rink was now empty and quiet, the sounds of coaches speaking and music playing were gone. The single tear broke the dam holding back her emotions, she was now sobbing, mourning the loss of her career, her friendship with Taemin, her love for the ice. The tears she held back in the past year overwhelmed her as she crouched over, resting her forehead on the seat in front of her, palms covering her eyes, as if to catch the tears that fell.

A ponytail peeked around the entrance of the rink as her sobs echoed against the walls of the empty rink. The sound of the rink door opening startled Soojung from crying, and she looked up to a familiar silhouette walking towards her.  _ Seulgi.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4/4 are back in Korea, things are going to escalate soon
> 
> do comment, subscribe and leave a kudos. thank you!


	4. a glimmer

Soojung wiped her tears frantically as she realised that Seulgi was walking up to her. She couldn’t stay and talk with her, she wasn’t ready to talk about what happened last week. She couldn’t risk Taemin finding out she was back. 

“Soojung?” Seulgi was shocked at the sight of the crying girl. It had been about 11 months since she last saw her and the Soojung that was in front of her now was much different from the Soojung she’d known in the past. Seulgi had never seen bags under her eyes nor the colour drain from her face this drastically before, Soojung had lost a bit of weight as well, her cheeks shrunk and her ponytail lost its perk. It was evident that she had been crying and Seulgi wondered what that was about, she wanted to open up her arms to her for a hug but held back as she recalled her own best friend’s tears when Soojung had left him 11 months ago.

Seulgi took a seat a few seats away from her, warily keeping her distance from Taemin’s former partner. Both of them were hesitant to start the conversation, but Seulgi’s personality forced her to make the first move again, so she spoke first.

“Are you back here for a break?” 

Soojung mentally breathed a sigh of relief, at least she doesn’t suspect that I’m back because my career freakin’ failed. She decided to roll with Seulgi’s question, figuring that it was best to lay low until she decided what to do after quitting this career. “Hmm, yea, it’s just Jung family culture to spend Christmas and New Years together. I’m here for a week then back to training.” She pursed her lips together, internally cringing at the lie and the mention of family. She was supposed to know better than to mention family in front of Seulgi.

Meanwhile, Seulgi nodded, pretending to understand the importance of spending time together during the holidays. While Jongin’s case of parenting was absence because time is money and money is everything, her case was absence because time is money and money was everything they needed. Money would fund her skating and her brother’s ice hockey, it was what her family needed to pay for school and feed the family. Their family would work holidays, just so they could earn double the pay, in case either sibling needed new skates or extra ice time. Seulgi just couldn’t relate to her ability to be back for just a week, she couldn’t imagine how much those plane tickets cost. 

“Were you planning to tell Taemin that you’re back? I think he’d be really happy to see-” 

“Don’t tell Taemin that I’m back. Please.”

Seulgi’s eyebrows knitted into a frown, “Why?” Soojung smiled weakly, “I just don’t want to distract him. His first season is coming up and I don’t want to ruin it for him.” 

Seulgi shook her head at the other girl’s excuse, does she even hear herself? If there was one soul in the world that would calm Taemin down, it was Soojung. If there was one person on this planet that could convince Taemin to suck it up and get his shit together, it was Soojung. Distracting him was bullshit, Seulgi knew that Soojung knew that too. She is definitely avoiding something. 

“Okay, I really think he would like to see you though,” Seulgi shrugged it off, “How has pairs been without Taemin though, been going well?” 

Soojung let out a sigh, leading Seulgi to think it truly wasn’t going well for her. “It’s fine, I guess, I’m not doing pairs but singles training is fine. I’m not competing this year though, I’m not you.” Fingers crossed that Seulgi would believe this half truth too. Seulgi could sense admiration from the girl as she compared them, yet a heaviness as she spoke about her training in America. Something is definitely up.

“Well, speaking of training, you should go get the ice time you came here for. I’ll leave in a while.” Soojung quickly brushed it off, even though she could feel Seulgi’s suspicion of her growing even more. Seulgi complied, rising to her feet, took one last look at Soojung. She really looked like she went through a lot in the past year, tiredness was evident in her sad eyes. Seulgi enveloped her in a tight hug, “It’s been good to see you again, Soojung. I wish we could talk more sometime.” Soojung didn’t realise she needed that hug until it happened; her lower lip trembled as she tried to keep her tears in. She was glassy-eyed as she pulled away and turned her back to Seulgi, pretending to pack her bag to hide the tear that ran down her cheek. 

Soojung stayed at the rink for a while more to observe Seulgi as she glided across the ice, carving patterns into the cold surface. She’d always make skating look so effortless and enjoyable. Soojung wished she could be more like her, but her chance was over. Right?

Soojung laid low after New Years; she kept away from Mokdong rink and settled for the Lotte rink when she wanted to let off steam on the ice. She knew Taemin and Seulgi would never come to Lotte, they used to loathe that place because it was adjacent to an amusement park, for goodness sake. 

She finally told her siblings — Jihoon, and his wife Taehee and Sooyeon, and her fiancé Jay — everything when they sat her down one day. She cried her eyes out and they grieved along with her, but convinced her not to give up skating entirely. The ice was still a place of familiarity and some sort of comfort, carrying both spectrums of happiness to disappointment. She went back to online high school, as she did in America, spending most of her time at Jihoon’s house, and evenings at the Lotte rink to take her mind off things. 

When Nationals was right round the corner, Soojung had dm-ed Seulgi a Good Luck for Nationals, just for good measure. She’d never thought that she would be in Korea to witness this year’s Figure Skating National Championships. She told herself to settle with watching the livestream on TV, but Soojung knew the figure skater in her would never let herself miss the live action and the amazing atmosphere at figure skating competitions, especially the biggest competition in Korea. Soojung put together an outfit Sooyeon had given her from her hand-me down clothes that she didn’t wear anymore; if she wanted to lay low and not get caught, she had to be as inconspicuous and unrecognisable. She threw on a grey turtleneck, both styles and colours she hated with a passion, and a long padded jacket. She hoped that she wouldn’t run into anyone she knew; in order to lower the possibility, she checked the schedules in advance and arrived in time to catch Seulgi and Taemin on the ice. The first day, she didn’t run into anyone at all. Ninja mode was successful and it emboldened her in the next few sessions. On the last day, she arrived at the rink rather early and walked past this big group of athletes talking. Well, she presumed they were athletes because of their attire. Her presumptions were confirmed when she heard Taemin’s voice in the mix. He sounded tired and annoyed, almost; because she knew him so well, she could tell that he couldn’t wait for the day to end already. Soojung quickly walked into the spectator seating area, avoiding Taemin as much as she could, hoping that he didn’t see her. As much as she wanted to go up to him and hug him, wish him well for his free skate, tell him that she believed in him, she couldn’t. She was the reason why he didn’t want to compete, how could she appear again and disrupt everything again? 

Soojung couldn’t help but linger on as Taemin and his partner walked to the kiss and cry. He looked so defeated, a look she’d never seen on Taemin ever. It was probably because he knew he was not going to place; and that he was going to drop his partner. As she departed from the rink, heading out to get home, her mind was clouded with thoughts of Taemin and the successful career they had together. She was so deep in thought that she didn’t see someone come around the corner and bumped into them. 

She looked up to see that she’d bumped into Seulgi. Shit, so much for laying low, now she knows I’m back for real. Seulgi’s eyes widened when she realised she bumped into Soojung, “Oh my god, Soojung. Didn’t you go back to the States two weeks ago?” Soojung panicked, this was not supposed to happen. She was supposed to lay low, and disappear from the rink like she wasn’t there. This wasn’t happening. Soojung did the only thing she could in that moment, she ran. 

Fortunately, Seulgi didn’t chase her; she was too shocked that her legs took root in the ground, unable to move. She heard the sound of footsteps running toward her, Jongin had finally caught up to her. “Who was that just now?” Jongin asked her curiously. He noticed that Seulgi’s jaw was hanging open, her breathing was laboured and her fist was clenched tightly; he instinctively placed a hand on her lower back, rubbing small circles to calm her down.

“Soojung is back,” she let out in a weak whisper; but, it was loud enough to catch Jongin’s attention. “Soojung, as in Jung Soojung? As in Taemin’s partner?” She nodded and the next moment, she was standing there all alone, as she watched Jongin run to chase the other dark-haired girl out of the building. Her heart clenched in her chest but she pushed the feeling away, I can’t be feeling these things now, especially not since he left me first. She turned back to the direction which she came from back to Taemin and Coach Yuna, needing someone to comfort her.

“Jung Soojung, stop right there,” Jongin shouted after her as he picked up his pace to keep up with her. Soojung ran out of steam and gave up fleeing after a while, and he caught up easily. A frown grew on Jongin’s face as he faced her, panting to catch his breath. “Soojung, what the heck are you doing here?” 

She shrugged defeatedly, “Same reason as you, I guess?”

“You’re back? Oh my god, I have to tell Taemin, he’s going to be so happ-” Soojung clamped her hand over his mouth and dragged him further away from the building, fearing that someone might hear them.

“Don’t tell Taemin I’m back, please.” There really was no other reason to tell him except the fact that she was embarrassed to see him again, after her failure in America, and that she had quit figure skating all together. “So, Caroline dropped you too?” Jongin asked curiously, and she nodded weakly, “Singles didn’t work out for me, so I quit all together.”

“Wait, you freakin quit skating? But, you could always skate pairs with-” 

“No, I can’t. I already destroyed his career once, I can’t just waltz in now and destroy what he has now,” Soojung bit her lip nervously, in fear that Jongin would see through her bull crap. And, of course he did, “Girl, you saw his free skate score just now. His career is more destroyed without you than it’ll ever be with you.” Soojung shook her head in denial, her self-esteem had hit rock bottom at Caroline’s, she couldn’t drag him down along with her. “No, I quit skating, I’m not doing this anymore.”

“You know I could talk to my coach and she could help you with singles again. At least you won’t have to give up the career that you’ve built for more than half of your life,” Jongin suggested. He really didn’t want to see her give up just like that, Caroline was not worth the end of her career. 

Soojung continued to shake her head, turning down his suggestion. “I really can’t compete anymore, I just can’t. I won’t.” 

Jongin sighed at her stubbornness, “Fine. But stay in touch okay, I need to know you’re doing good; the last time you went off the grid, you ended up back here in Korea.” Soojung let out a small scoff, but punched in her Korean number into the keypad on his phone. “I’m warning you, don’t you dare tell Taemin or any of our skating friends. If you do, I won’t hesitate to cut your leg open again.” The glare in Soojung’s eyes told Jongin that he really could not mess enough with her, and her secret was to be kept safe with him. He held his hand up in surrender, and waved as she walked off, away from the rink. 

Jongin went back to the rink to join his teammates. Taemin was hugging a distressed Seulgi and comforting her as if she was the one who came in seventh place, not him. Jongin inhaled sharply at this sight, knowing that he was jealous of their close friendship. That used to be him, he used to be the one that Seulgi turned to, for comfort, for a hug to make her feel better. Now, he was the one causing her pain. Earlier before he had run after Soojung, he was actually talking with Seulgi amicably until he accidentally brought up a memory from the past about when they were skating together as they watched Taemin’s free skate. Seulgi told him to shut up and go away; she herself had left the rink to get some air and he wanted to apologise and that’s when they were interrupted. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Soojung was back in Korea, he didn’t understand how she thought he’d be able to keep this secret. Jongin’s eyes flickered over to Seulgi, and was surprised that their eyes met, reflecting the same hesitation in the other’s eyes. Seulgi walked over to him and took a seat next to him. And needless to say, Jongin was really surprised, though he knew what she had come over to discuss. 

“What did she say?” 

Jongin glanced over at Taemin who was talking with some old skating friends, not paying attention to either of them. “She said don’t tell Taemin, and she’s back for good.” Seulgi’s brows furrowed, mirroring the confusion that she felt, “What happened in America?” Jongin shrugged, “It’s really not my place to tell you. But, one thing you need to know, she quit figure skating for good.” The girl’s jaw would’ve dropped to the floor if it could, “Wait, as in she’s giving up on her career?” 

The boy shrugged again, “That’s what she said… Please don’t tell her I told you, she’ll end me if she found out I told you.” Seulgi was exasperated, “You expect me to sit still after you told me all of that? We can’t just let our friend give up on her dreams like that!” Jongin shushed her when her voice got louder as she got more frustrated. “Soojung is not the type to just give up, you know that as much as I do; something bad must have happened in America for her to come to this decision. Maybe we, as friends, should respect that.” Jongin had a hunch that the reason for her quitting was much deeper than she let on, they just didn’t know it yet. Seulgi shook her head, she was disappointed in Jongin for his ‘lack of care’ for Soojung’s career and Soojung’s lack of perseverance to push through difficult times. 

She felt helpless, knowing that in this situation, she had little control over Soojung’s and Jongin’s decisions. She could not influence either of them without hurting the other. In the back of her mind, she knew the person who was hurting the most of Taemin, and she couldn’t tell him about this — it would break him to know Soojung was never skating with him again. 

Soojung was in her room, leaning against her bed as she looked through her photo album for the umpteenth time, since she’d gotten back to Korea. She always spent the most time looking at her pictures with Taemin taken at awards ceremonies. Just as she was looking at their most recent photo, she saw a message ping on her phone. 

Hey Soojung, it’s Seulgi, I got your number from Jongin. I forced him to tell me what happened and he told me that you’re quitting )-: I was really sad to hear that because you have so much potential to excel… Taemin is looking for a new partner and I know he’ll be more than willing to take you back. Just promise me that you’ll think about it, please?

To hell with Kim Jongin. She should have known that he wouldn’t be able to keep a secret. But, she was more surprised that of all the people he could have told, he told Seulgi. Soojung didn’t know that they’d reconnected after he returned to Korea, she didn’t think that Seulgi wanted anything with him. Either way, Seulgi had found it in her to take Jongin back as a friend at least, her heart hoped that Taemin would do the same for her one day. 

Soojung could feel the irony of her situation, she didn’t have the confidence to skate alone, she didn’t have the confidence to skate pairs with anyone other than Taemin. Yet, she didn’t have the confidence to skate with him again, either. Seulgi’s message had caused her heart to waver from her initial decision. But, the thought of Taemin rejecting her hurt more than giving up skating all together. She was better off quitting. 

She felt so suffocated by her own thoughts and decided it was best to go skate it off, like she normally did. Soojung really loathed herself, the very thing she was so concerned about was also the very thing that brought her the most comfort. She headed back to Mokdong, the place that she had escaped earlier that day — fingers crossed that no one else would be there. It didn’t really matter anymore if she ran into anyone that she knew, considering her secret was not so secret anymore.

The entire ride on the subway, Soojung fiddled with the drawstring on her jacket, her head emptied of all thought. Music blasted in her ears, preoccupying her thoughts with beats. She absentmindedly walked toward the entrance to the rink and gave the security guard a weak smile. Opening the door to the rink, she sighed as the cold air hit her in the face. Her gaze was lowered as she made her way to the bleachers to put on her skates. Finally, as she headed to the rink and slid off her blade guards, she did some laps on the ice before launching into rage mode, skating to one of her old programmes with Taemin, except she was alone. She was lost in her skate and didn’t realise when another person had joined her on the rink.

Looking up, she saw that that person was Yuna Kim, Queen of the Ice. 

Yuna had stayed behind at Mokdong rink when the crowds dissipated at the end of the National championships, sitting in the bleachers as she laced her skates on. The reporters, commentators and audience were long gone and the rink was quiet. It had been a while since she had retired from competitive skating, the memories of competing in Korea were distant. Yuna wanted to take this time to work out some choreography for her upcoming annual ice show, All That Skate. She had gone for a water break and saw that Soojung was on the ice when she had returned. Her heart ached for Soojung as she saw her skate, she could see that there was desperation in her skating. Her heart ached also for Taemin, who had been longing for the return of his partner.

Yuna skated up to Soojung who remained frozen in her spot, mouth gaping at her. She chuckled internally at her reaction, it was not an uncommon reaction to those who’d seen her for the first time. “Annyeonghaseyo,” Soojung bowed politely, trying to keep her composure. “Annyeong, you’re Soojung, right?” Soojung’s jaw dropped further, eyes widened, realising that Yuna knew who she was. 

“I’ve seen you skate before, with your partner Taemin?” Yuna answered her unasked question, as she tried to find out why Soojung was back in Korea.

“Ah, yea, we used to be partners. But, not anymore…” 

“Oh, that’s a shame. You two did really well together, you had lots of potential as a pair.” Soojung blushed at her comment. Yuna decided that she would go with the flow, and pretend that she didn’t know Taemin or Soojung’s backstory, “If you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you continue with the partnership?”

Soojung sighed at the question, she couldn’t believe she had to admit to the Queen how much of a failure she was, “I moved to the States to train there. It didn’t really work out there, so I’m back here.” 

Yuna’s heart leaped when she got the confirmation that Soojung was officially back in Korea, without a coach. All she had to do now was to get her to join her team. “Have you been training back in Korea?” 

“No, I haven’t. I actually decided recently that I’m not going to compete anymore.” Yuna’s heart sank to the pits of the stomach. Her experience in the States must have been really bad, that she no longer wanted to skate competitive. Change of plans, Yuna. You’d be surprised at how quickly Yuna thought on her feet, because suddenly, an idea came to mind. She knew how she could make Soojung skate with Taemin again, and maybe even go back into competition. 

“Have you considered skating professionally in shows?” Soojung’s eyes lit up, that wasn’t even an option that she had considered. She’d always thought that competitive skating was her be-all and end-all, maybe this was an alternative. “Actually, I didn’t even think about that. It sounds like a good option to consider.” 

Yuna smiled victoriously, “Would you like to join the line-up for my ice show this summer?”

Soojung was appalled at the offer, who knew the literal worst day of her life could turn into the best day yet. 

“Yes, of course, I would love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late late update but loose ends are tied up and we can finally go into full swing in the next chapter! stay excited, leave some comments and kudos (-: yall keep me going


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